Call it, Dr. Fauci, the G.O. Party has given up the ghost.

Probably it has been dead for quite some time. It may have even died from COVID-19. That it still appears, somehow, zombie-like, to stagger on, does nothing to enliven it. If Dr. Jack Kevorkian were still alive I would send along note to prepare him for the biggest mercy killing of his career, quite literally, the elephant in the room.

Congratulations Democrats! You have won me over at last, I now truly believe in medically assisted suicide. More than that, for this particular case, I would drive the doctor’s van myself.

(Incidentally, has anyone else noticed how the late Dr. Death is a near perfect doppelgänger for the current golden idol of medicine, Dr. Fauci?)

Over the past few days, watching Senator Mitch McConnell talk about categories of masks while neo Bolsheviks tore down statues of George Washington, while Antifa—rightly has our president termed it a terrorist organization, and may I add to that, the scum of the earth—tore down statues of saints and of our Lord in California, enduring the piercing sting of of John Robert’s betrayal (to both the right politically and what is right morally), to say nothing of the decade long complaints of it being a beaten down, lackluster cephalopod with as much vision as a nocturnal cave worm, I understand now truly that the Republican Party is dead. Oh yes I know there are still a few (R)'s out there next to the some peoples names, now and again theres the odd fund raiser, but it’s very clear to anyone who will care to look: the republican party has about as much life in it as the mummy of King Tut.

I am not able to accept the heroic definition of life which would be necessary to prove the Republican Party is— along the lines, for example, that a rock is alive because it moves at some point during its existence. Let us for a moment consider the generally agreed upon requisites for life:

1. Homeostasis: regularization and stabilization of the internal

2. Organization: being structurally composed of one or more cells 

3. Metabolism: transforming matter into energy

4. Growth: increases in size in all of its parts, rather than simply accumulating matter

5. Adaptation: the ability to change over time in response to the environment

6. Response to stimuli: reactions to externals involving the senses

7. Reproduction: the ability to produce new individual organisms

McConnell speechery about the necessary elements of a mask as Washington is being torn apart around him only yards away in the CHAZ-zone and all across the country murder has risen to a level that would make Tegucigalpa blush , points out well I believe that the Republican Party is not any longer able and probably hasn’t been able for quite some time to regulate its environment, to regulate the domestic arena of America. What plans have come from the Republican Party, say over the past 50 years, anytime after President Nixon, to comprehensively address the social and economic problems of our country? Chirp, chirp go the crickets. On the contrary, instead of doing anything of worth or indeed anything effective, the Republican party has done nothing. They have simply been the opposition vis-à-vis inertia for the Democrat Party -- itself only slightly less dead or marginally more alive depending on your definitions.

If there is any argument at all for the Republican Party still being alive it would be organization. It is in fact highly organized, organized well enough it seems to affect the slow death it’s undergoing at this moment. The outreach to youth is haphazard, I do not think there has been any Young Republican movement of any caliber of excellence since the time of President Reagan. Nonetheless it must be allowed that there are still committees and subcommittees here and there which no doubt allow for a more streamlined and efficient path towards oblivion.

As for metabolism, converting matter into energy, the potential into reality, by this standard I’m ready to call the time of death for the Republicans. Of course they’re taking in massive amounts of money, but is that money the matter, if you will, converted into anything resembling energy? A drug addict may be a thief, and use the funds stolen to fulfill the drug habit, but is that truly metabolism at work? Because the energy is not sufficient to restore life to the drug addict and only allows a slow and lingering death. I think the analogy is apt, actually.

In terms of growth, hard numbers tell us the Republican Party is dead. It is declining in the United States by percentage points every single year through the passing on of its members , affiliated organizations and through the mass exodus of living out towards (political) independence. Of course, the plague infected vermin in the media will tell you this is all because of Trump, but as with everything else they tell you, this too is a lie. This is a story of decades and not weeks, and the numbers tell us that between FDR's presidency and now the GOP has fallen from being 40% of the population to about 20%. Ask yourself: when is the last time you heard someone admit publicly to being a Republican, let alone admit publicly they were proud of being a republican? The last time I heard anybody say that I believe was Bob Dole, the presidential candidate in 1996, who later went on to make a fortune selling erectile dysfunction medicine to the party elders.

As for adaptation, self improvement in order to overcome new obstacles, this was last seen with the Gipper. Reagan Democrats, sensible people who went over to President Reagan's sensible message, that was the last time, outside of personal attraction or a personal policy, (example George W. Bush’s compassionate conservatism). The Republican message before Reagan and after him, and what the local party apparatchiks seem to be cooking up now on the hot plate in their vampiric crypt, Is “financial conservatism”. I don’t even think they know what that means anymore, I certainly don’t, finance I guess has to do with money and conservative I guess means to save. Yet other than the tax relief pioneered by President Trump and embraced by some Republican progeny on the right, criticized by Mitt Romney and JEB! Bush (the equivalent of relatives you've never met showing up at the last minute to cash in on a will) I think the Democrat Party has given us more solvent and real attempts to stabilize the financial situation ...which is a disaster that keeps me up at night....than the GDP (the Gray, Dying Party).

This brings us to the last two prongs used to gauge life: stimulation and reproduction. Not to be glib but to simply state of truth, poking a stick into a tar pit would create more stimulation than events around them have elicited from the Republican Party in the last 30 years. And outside of the odd custody dispute between adopted great great great grandchildren, and a few eccentric aunts none of us really believe is related to the late GOP to begin with (example pro sex Republican Meghan McCain, you raised one up right there John, kudos) the GOP has produced as many natural offspring as the cast of Queer as Folk exiled to Fire Island during a decades long Juneteenth would have.

In this respect, childlessness, I believe the Republicans are not alone. The Left in America finds itself without children as well but if the Democrat Party has no offspring then unlike the Republicans it is not from lack of trying. It is because the Democrats generally prefer to abort their young before they come to term. Yes, I know, the Democrats are making great strides in the field of asexual reproduction, this is evidenced by the existence of Michael Moore. But it still does not denote reproduction as such.

Before we zip up the cadaver and turn it over to our very own lurch, Mr. John Bolton , I want to tell Republican faithful, which I have been for my entire life, that this by no means is an attack on them or their desire to help America and their families survive.

This is an attack on a possible suicide-coup by a number of totally unscrupulous vampires (ex. Mitticula and Mr. Slender Man Miss Anne Coulter) to use this election, which for our survival, to continue our mortal existence, must be won by President Trump, for their own short term financial benefit.

Throughout its long history America has had nearly a dozen major parties capable of winning national elections. Some I would say were worse than the Republican Party but most were better; according to the definitions of life above. The future of America depends on the courage of the Republican faithful to first acknowledge that their GOP IS DEAD and second they themselves are alive, and not bound to be buried alive with their erstwhile political fixer (undead perhaps but extent) out of any sense of guilt or filial duty.

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